Recently I attended a party at Justin Bieber’s Calabasas home. Before any of the guests were allowed to enter the party we were forced to sign this “none disclosure agreement” (as mentioned by TMZ).
As you can see, by signing this waiver I agreed to not discuss anything that went on at the party, and if I do Justin Bieber will file a 5 million dollar lawsuit against me. Of course as a Muslim the American civil courts hold no jurisdiction over me as I only answer to Shariah law.
So here is what happened at Justin Bieber’s party:
As you enter Justin’s mansion you are greeted by 3 gigantic hand painted murals of the pop star. The first is of Justin as Jesus posing on the cross, as teen girls weep at his feet. In the second painting Justin is shirtless riding a black stallion with the wind sweeping through his hair.
The final and largest mural depicts Justin in assless chaps smirking seductively over his shoulder with the doorway to the living room in place of his anus.
When I entered the living room it was packed with black guys and wigger Jews all sipping “sizzurp” and talking about YOLO. Laid out on a large table were piles of marijuana, cocaine, and mollies; just your basic Hollywood party supplies.
I was immediately approached by a scrawny limp-wristed negro named “Lil Twist” who informed me that Justin would like to personally greet me, and he directed towards a long hallway. I readied my scimitar, but hesitated unsheathing it as I heard a faint sound in the distance. As I made my way down the hallway the sound grew louder, and I could clearly tell that it was the moans of effeminate Canadian boy.
“Oh no” I thought “someone has beaten me to it and is decapitating Justin Bieber!”. I drew my scimitar, hurried down the hallway, and burst through the door. As I entered the room I was hit with a blast of steam and the stench of sweaty ball sacks and lubricant that caused me to step back.
It took me a second to gather my wits, but when I did I recoiled in horror at the scene before me. There was Justin Bieber naked laid out in the middle of the room surrounded by the biggest hairiest black guys I’d ever seen. They were taking turns pounding Justin Bieber’s mouth and asshole with their large AIDS infested dongs.
Justin smiled at me and winked his cum crusted eye while signaling for me to join in. Needless to say I worked a quick load off on his face and got the hell out of there.